Communal Closet
Photo by Sarah Wills
Sharing clothes is a radical act.
The patriarchy, like any oppressive structure, thrives on the in-fighting of the oppressed. By pitting women against each other, not only is time and energy misplaced and wasted, but the negative qualities assigned to women are embodied and reaffirmed. The patriarchy tells us that women act “catty” and “jealous” to one another because other women are an obstacle to male attention—since everything women do is obviously done for male attention. Fighting amongst women, when viewed within this patriarchal framework, confirms this notion. Such a framework, of course, is both heteronormative and extremely shallow in its understanding of female relationships. It uses a capitalist principle of valuation which encourages scarcity: to increase value, one must be unlike other options. Ever been told “you’re so not like other girls” as if it’s a compliment? The patriarchy encourages women to be unlike one another and to fight to hold onto what makes them unique or desirable.
I’ll quickly note that I am analyzing the behavior of sharing clothes through the patriarchal lens and I recognize that. I am not doing so because I believe the premise that women dress for male attention, but because accepting the premise for the sake of argument allows for the logic of the patriarchy to be undone from within. There is undoubtedly power in the outright refusal of patriarchal logic. To say, it does not matter what women do with their clothing because it is not done for men is an important sentiment to share. But to say, even if we do dress for male attention, we still care about each other more than we care about you is valuable as well. It flaunts the solidarity that the patriarchy fears, showing that women care for one another enough to work around the ideology that was meant to tear them apart.
Sharing clothes acts as a big “fuck you” to a system that believes women should value male attention over female friendship. Within the logic of the patriarchy, a woman’s appearance is construed as currency in an effort to “win” male attention. Clothing, being a facet of a woman’s appearance, becomes something to withhold and protect as capitalism encourages one does with currency. If male attention is the number one (and maybe only) priority, it is vital that women hoard their currency. Clothes hold dual power as currency and as a potentially differentiating feature, making them even more important for women to keep to themselves if they desire male attention above all else. So what about when they don’t? Sharing clothes flagrantly deprioritizes men, making it a radical act of care within a patriarchy.
A woman’s capacity to care is, in itself, a complex quality within a patriarchy. Little girls grow up caring for dolls in order to prepare them to nurture their future children. These future children are expected to be the product (and, in many ways, property) of a man; a man who is cared for by his wife and who was once a little boy being cared for by his mother. As a little boy he was never given a doll because, unlike a little girl, he was never expected to nurture. If the patriarchy wants little girls to provide care and to grow up to marry a man, who cares for the little girls when they become women? The men these women were told to focus their attention on never learned how.
In spite of our male centric instructions, we women step in for each other. We don’t withhold care because the duty to provide it was forced upon us, we share it. Care is a beautiful act; one that the patriarchy cannot define or take away. When we were meant to be learning to care for a child by playing with dolls, we learned to care for each other too. We learned to care for each other by dressing dolls and to dress each other by caring for dolls. We refuse to give up the act of care but we deny patriarchal reasoning for it, turning care itself into a radical act. As cheesy as it sounds, sharing (clothes) really is caring.
Resistance does not have to be taxing. Often it can be truly joyous. To find joy in that which the dominant system deems “less than” is radical. Dressing is made out to be a woman’s duty under the patriarchy. It is mandated that women must dress well in order to please men, but those who find joy in the act are degraded as vain. The choice to frame a love of dressing as vain serves a dual purpose in subjugating women. To find joy within a structure meant to take it away is extraordinarily dangerous to that structure. As a result, the ability to find joy must be portrayed as a negative trait. Vanity carries with it the necessary negative connotation, but also speaks to a woman’s love of herself. Not only does an accusation of vanity work to undo the joy found in clothing, but it insinuates that a woman having pride in herself is a bad thing. The underlying assumption that vanity is bad does the work of naturalizing the unnatural. It treats a woman’s self love as inherently harmful. Finding joy in clothing challenges the desire of the patriarchy to strip joy from the lives of the oppressed and exposes the negative implications of vanity as a tool for the degradation of women.
The refusal to compete and radical care that is implicit within the act of sharing clothes (and even more so by the assumption that all clothing is communal) is beautiful to behold. “Girls of all genders,” to borrow Carina del Valle Schorske’s phrase, come together to make each other look and feel as good as possible. I have sacrificed numerous outfits because I could tell that a friend wanted to wear my skirt more than I did. I have dressed a friend head to toe, telling her (truthfully) that she looked great in everything we tried, but nonetheless putting together outfit after outfit until she felt she looked great. I have announced that I am in need of silver jewelry with my outfit and been bombarded with offerings from friends. These moments of solidarity create a place for women entirely separate from their relation to men; a place with one another. In an effort to protect this place, I vow to continue to give and receive with reckless abandon and I sincerely hope you will too.
